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by RPGwrites



Series: Cousland's Tale [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Battle Injury, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Dragon Age: Origins, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: Returning home without the people that died because of Howe’s treachery is not the same. Home has changed so much and the past still lingers behind the corners. But when Alistair arrives unexpectedly there’s a relief. Until the atmosphere changed completely and she is forced to deal with the events of the past.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland (Dragon Age), Female Cousland & Fergus Cousland
Series: Cousland's Tale [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843270
Comments: 22
Kudos: 17





	1. Back At The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ripley95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95/gifts).



> For a great friend whose prompt will be used in the third chapter. Thank you for all your support and for always being there. Thank you for being such an amazing friend. 
> 
> Many thanks to [ Atanoissapa ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atanoissapa) for betaing. I appreciate all the help!!

Elissa didn’t know if she was looking forward or dreading to go home. Every time she thought about home her heart threatened to climb out of her chest. 

It’s been months since she saw her brother. They met after the events of dealing with the Architect. He told her of how he was fixing what Howe destroyed. He never asked about him, other than acknowledging that she killed him. 

“Off to see the family?” Oghren asked.

He was still with her. Elissa was thankful for that. Oghren was a pain in the ass but he was important to her. The wardens rebuilt. They didn’t replenish their numbers but they were getting more.

“Yes, I’m going to see my brother.”

It has been so long since she saw Alistair. Before the Architect. Alistair was sent elsewhere while she was made Warden Commander. Elissa thought Alistair should be the one, besides he was a warden for longer than her. But he disagreed.

She asked him to come with her. Somehow this felt easier to face if he was at her side. But when she got a letter that brought the news he wouldn’t be able to, her heart fell. 

_ Why do they need him? Why did he have to stay? _

She played with the ring in her finger unconsciously. When she felt Oghren’s eyes on her hand she realized what she did. 

“You always do that when you think about him.”

“What do you mean?” Surely it couldn’t be always.

“When you think about Alistair,” he clarified. “You’ll see him again soon.”

_ When?  _ But she couldn’t dare say that out loud. 

There was always something. Warden business. People that needed help. It was a times like these that she missed the old days. 

Morrigan. Shale. Zevran. The whole team. Sitting around the campfire after a long day. Friends exchanging stories. Those were terrible times. But they were also the best times. 

But as the days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into months. Even years. They all drifted apart. Each walking their own path. 

Today, Elissa didn't know where half of them were. 

“Thanks, Oghren.”

* * *

The journey to Highever was hard and long. A couple of wardens took the journey with her. At night they took shifts. Elissa used her time keeping guard to sharpen her blades. 

It reminded her of the good old days. But for some reason, it also reminded her of the bad. 

But why?

Was it because she was going back? She hasn’t been back since everyone she loved and was close to her heart was ripped from her. 

No darkspawn battle even comes close to this. It felt like the hardest thing she ever had to do. And she needed to do it all by herself. 

When her shift was finally over she tossed and turned in her sleeping back. Elissa was awake before the sun and decided to hunt for breakfast. 

After breakfast, they moved. But the more they travelled the less they became. Each one going where they needed to be. 

They knew where Elissa was heading, after all, it was no secret who her brother was. But the ones who didn’t want to share their business didn’t share it. 

At the end of the travels, she stood before the gate to the Cousland castle. She took a deep breath hoping she would find the courage but she knew in her heart she couldn’t. Elissa kept staring at it as if it was a dragon that needed to be slain.

A fight with a dragon she knew she would lose. 

But luckily someone spoke, “Announce yourself.”

Her heart beat faster with his words. She realized there were two guards. One of each side of the gate. 

_ Have they been standing there the whole time?  _

“Elissa Cousland.” She sat straight on her horse. Looking the guard ,who spoke to her, in the eyes. 

“My lady.” Both of the guards bowed deeply. “I apologize.” It was the one who spoke to her in the beginning.

Elissa swung her leg off the one side. “No need. You’re only following your orders. And I haven’t been a lady since becoming a warden.”

The other guard spoke this time. “Of course Warden Commander. I’ll go give Teryn Cousland word of your arrival.”

“The name is Nilson,” the other guard spoke and led her to the stables. It was strange to be back. A lot has changed but at the same time, many things stayed the same. Elissa didn’t know what she expected if she was honest with herself. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine my La- I mean Warden Commander.” Nilson quickly realized his mistake.

After taking care of her horse her brother arrived. “Elissa!” he embraced her. “Thank the Maker you’re safe.”

“Thank you, brother. It was a good trip.”

His eyes searched as if looking for someone. “You travelled alone?” 

“Yes,” she confirmed, “Alistair couldn’t make it.” But something in her brother’s eyes told her it wasn’t what he meant. 

"Alright," he nodded. "Your old bedchambers are ready…" But something flashed in his eyes. What it was, Elissa couldn't say. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe something else. "Or would you rather sleep somewhere else? There are other rooms ready. I wasn’t sure what you would prefer."

Her brother wasn't sure if she wanted to sleep in her old bedchambers and they all knew why. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. No, she wasn't ready to sleep there. But in truth, she wasn't ready to sleep anywhere in the castle.

Time passed but the memories of what had happened didn't. Elissa wasn't sure if they ever would. 

"My old bedchambers are fine," Elissa tried her best forming a smile with her lips but she knew it was weak. 

Fergus awkwardly ran his hand through his dark hair. "I know coming back here isn't easy." His gaze shifted shamefully to his boots. "I can't bare going to my old bedchambers."

Fergus never asked so Elissa never shared how his son and wife died. It was brutal. Oren was just a little boy. He didn't do anything wrong. Yet he paid dearly with his life. He had such a bright future ahead of him. 

Elissa loved him. Oriana was like a sister to her. She and Elissa weren’t at all the same. Where she loved her daggers Oriana loved fashion. 

They didn't deserve to be murdered like that. 

She would've loved sharing stories of being a warden with Oren. He loved stories of wardens and griffons. Maybe he would've been a warden himself. And now he'll never get the chance. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," Fergus continued, "If I was…"

"No." She knew where he was going with this. She knew what going down that path did. Elissa was still trapped. Some days she wondered if she didn't go to sleep or if she would've been stronger if maybe some people would've escaped. Maybe Mother and Father wouldn't have died. Maybe little Owen would've been saved. She couldn't let her brother go down that path as well. "There's nothing you could've done." She squeezed his arm in hope of reassuring him. But she knew it was a lie. 

Disbelief was clearly written on his face. Fergus slowly nodded, "I suppose you're right. I can't help but wonder."

"I know."  _ More than I can say. _

Fergus sighed and stood straighter as if he shoved the memories away. "Supper will be ready shortly. In the meanwhile settle in. I'll let someone come and fetch you."

* * *

Elissa couldn't stay long in her bedchambers. The past events haunted her quickly. Her eyes kept lingering on her door, Howe's men to be stopped by an arrow coming from her mother's bow. 

But that never happened. 

She couldn't do it anymore. Instead, she walked through the halls remembering the ones that fell.

_ Why am I alive and they're not?  _

She shook her head. Elissa dealt with these feelings. So why do they keep coming back? 

"You're still living in the past dear," Wynne's wise words replayed in her mind. It was after she did a favour for her in the city of Amaranthine. "You're not there anymore. You escaped."

Elissa told Wynne once what happened. She didn't mean to but the words just flew out of her mouth. 

"Lady," one of the guards greeted her. She decided not to correct this one. It would only waste her breath. "You're brother commanded me to find you. Supper will be served as soon as you're present."

She gave her thanks and left. But as soon as she stepped into the great hall her eyes settled on a head with familiar dirty blonde hair. She frowned. 

It couldn't be him. Her mind was only playing tricks on her. She walked closer and closer. But with every step she got surer, it was him. Until he turned around and his blue eyes shone brightly.

"Alistair, is that you?"

"Is there another handsome fellow around here?" He turned around with a mocking look. But his remark only made her laugh. 

She embraced him and greeted him with a kiss, "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't come."

Elissa thought he would make a retort but he was serious instead. “That’s true my love. But I was able to make do. I didn’t want to let you know because I knew there was a chance something would change again.”

She smiled. she had truly missed him. “I’m glad you’re here.” Then she turned her gaze to her brother, “You knew he would come?”

“Yes,” her brother confirmed. 

Elissa admitted she was surprised. The two times Fergus and Alistair had seen each other it was very clear Fergus didn’t like him. But the last time she had seen her brother he promised he would try. 

The biggest problem was that he wasn’t a part of their wedding. It was sudden and in the middle of fighting the darkspawn. Getting married wasn't part of the plan but Alistair wanted to and she agreed. Back then Alistair was the only family she had. She wasn’t even sure if her brother was alive or not. 

At supper, they talked about some of the adventures she and Alistair were on and their time apart. There was so much to catch up on. Fergus spoke about rebuilding the castle and what new allies he had made. 

“It’s strange to be back here,” he said as he took a sip from his ale. “Even after all this time of rebuilding it’s not the same without them.”

Alistair looked like someone who didn’t belong in the conversation. He kept staring at the door. She squeezed his hand and hoped it was an unspoken way to tell him he did belong. He was her family too. 

Elissa nodded at her brother’s words. She couldn’t imagine living here after all this time is easy. She didn’t want to come. But telling her brother to meet her elsewhere again would be suspicious. She had a feeling he knew why she suggested staying elsewhere. “It’s empty without them.”

The subject was changed shortly and it wasn’t long until they finished their food. Things between Alistair and Ferus were still tense. Neither knew what to say.

Alistair tried his humour out but her brother wasn’t too fond about that. 

The time she dreaded came near. The castle began to quiet down and it was time to sleep. She was thankful for Alistair being there. It meant that she didn’t have to be alone in her bedchambers.

No darkspawn was so scary as her bedchambers and she couldn’t say it out loud. Not even to Alistair. 

“Are you alright?” Alistair asked as they got ready for bed. “You’re looking at the bed as if it’s a dragon you need to slay.”

_ Maybe it is.  _

“I’m fine,” she lied, “Just a long day.”

Alistair didn’t believe her. He knew her too well to believe her. It might’ve been a while since they had seen each other but that didn’t change things. He didn’t utter a word until they were in bed though. 

There was no light in the room except for the fireplace that gave them more warmth. It was something that Fergus must’ve built-in. And lucky for her, her eyes could linger on the flames that danced. But she didn’t need to look at Alistair to know he kept his eyes on her. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? I know it can’t be easy to be back here.”

_ You don’t know. _ But instead of saying anything, she gave him a glare he probably couldn’t see. She bit the side of her cheek to stop herself from saying anything. Until she couldn’t bare to look at him anymore and turned to her side. 

“I’m fine,” she said after a while in a firm voice that left no space for debate.

“Elissa, you need to talk about it.”

She knew this was where it was going. The times she did talk to Alistair about what happened had been very hard for her. 

Still avoiding to look at him she answered with more force, "I'm fine."

He placed his hand on her arm and squeezed. "You can't keep doing this. We're here. You can't avoid it."

She knew he was right. Being back here brought so many memories back. Some of it resurfaced when they went back to Ostagar and afterwards she believed she dealt with it. 

Elissa turned on her other side to look at her husband. "I'm not avoiding it," she lied. 

"Alright," Alistair said when he realized he was getting nowhere. "What's on your mind then?"

"Nothing." It was another lie. 

Every time she closed her eyes she saw the events of that night in her head. Leaving her parents to die. Howe's betrayal. 

She thought after killing Howe, she would feel something. Relief, the anger flowing away. She’d feel that she has done what was necessary. 

But that’s not how it went down. She couldn’t stab him enough times. Killing him wasn’t enough. Elissa didn’t know what would be enough. Maybe nothing will be. 

Alistair had to pull her away. “It’s enough. He’s dead.”

The others looked at her, they were shocked. Elissa just breathed rapidly with her two daggers in her hands. Her hands held them firmly, so tightly that it turned white. 

Alistair approached her, “Elissa…”

But she wouldn’t let him, “Let’s go.” And the rest followed her lead. 

Alistair gave another sigh and it brought her back to reality. “You’re lying. Just talk to me.”

That’s when she started to get offensive. “You don’t see me bringing up Duncan and what happened to the rest of the wardens.” It was unfair of her throwing it back at him. But right now she’d do anything to not talk about what happened. 

“You want me to talk about it. Fine, let’s talk about it. What do you want to know?”

His words made her stop. Alistair was very open to her about what happened. But she couldn’t do the same. She wasn't sure why. It’s not that she didn’t want to. She couldn’t. 

But he called her bluff. 

She pulled the covers off and stood up from the bed. “I can’t do this!”

“Where are you going?” he sounded concerned. She couldn’t say why though. 

“Out,” as if that was enough explanation.

* * *

When Elissa closed the door to her bedchambers behind her she saw her brother staring at the door that was once his. 

She walked up to him, wondering what he was doing. 

“Can’t sleep either?” Fergus asked as he could hear her come closer.

“No, I needed to get out of there,” she admitted. 

“Ah.”

Elissa frowned at his words, “Ah, what?”

“You two are having problems. Was there an argument?”

She knew he asked because he wanted to make sure everything was alright. After everything happened, they were still close. She had been there when he and his late wife had arguments. 

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Oh,” Fergus said and it made her frown. It wasn’t possible that he could read her mind yet it felt like he did. “He wanted you to talk about it. And you didn’t.”

Elissa blinked. How did he come to that conclusion? It was a mystery. “How…”

“I was married before Elissa,” he said as if that explained everything. “There’s certain things your partner will expect you to share.”

She frowned in response to his words. “So I should talk about things even if I don’t want to? Why?”

Fergus sighed as he saw he wasn’t getting his point across. “That’s not…” But he stopped as something crossed his mind, “Do you want some tea?”

“Alright,” she nodded. She doubted she'd be able to get much sleep. 

While the water was set to be boiled Fergus and Elissa sat at the table. Most of the castle was asleep. Except for the guards working in shifts. 

“Alistair will expect you to share things on your mind. He wants to help you, but he can’t do that if you don’t talk to him,” he continued where he trailed off. “Didn’t he share some things that happened to him?”

Elissa sighed as she thought it over. What Alistair went through and what she went through was different, yet there were also similarities. They were both betrayed but in different ways. 

Duncan was like a father to Alistair. Losing him was hard. Just as losing her parents was hard on her. At both places of betrayal, a lot of people died. Both of them killed the man who was behind it. Yet Alistair dealt with it. 

Elissa thought she did. But what if she didn’t?

Alistair talked about it. He was more opened about it than she was. It was unfair to him, she knew. 

“I don’t think I can,” she admitted to her brother.

Fergus slowly nodded as he understood. He hadn’t been here when it happened but he went through it as well. He experienced it differently, but he lost the same people as well. “How did you kill him?”

His words were unexpected. Whatever she expected him to say it wasn’t that. But she knew who he meant. “Yes, we tried to help the Queen escape. We came across him and I killed him.”

“Would you have spared him if it was an option?” 

“No,” the answer was immediate. There was no doubt. “He deserved it.”

“I’m glad one of us got to him,” Fergus admitted. “Did it help?”

“No,” Elissa admitted with a sigh. “After what happened that night I thought killing Howe was all I needed. I got what I wanted, but…”

“It wasn’t enough…” he concluded. “Nothing would be enough. All those people died for nothing.”

That’s what bothered her all this time. They died because someone was power hungry. They paid an undeserving price. Those people did not deserve it. At least she could get them some justice. But that was just it. 

Was it justice or revenge?

If it was anyone else would she have handled it differently? She couldn’t say, if she was honest with herself. 

The chair creaked in response to Fergus getting up to check on the water and it brought her back to reality. He poured the tea and gave her a cup. 

“I tried going into their bedchambers,” Fergus said once he took his seat again, “But the closest I got was touching the doorknob.”

Elissa nodded. It was past memories. Memories of happiness that were turned into ash. 

"How could you stay in your old bedchambers?" The question came from her brother. 

Elissa stared at Fergus. Her lips were frozen with hesitation. The truth was too complicated. 

Her bedchambers was the best place to be. The rest of the castle had seen more death and destruction than her room had. At least what she was aware of.

But it was different for Fergus. He hadn’t been here. He didn't have the events burned into his mind. Fergus only had his imagination. 

Her bedchambers being the best place didn't help though. She didn't want to be here at all. 

"It's different," she said instead of all the other things that buzzed around in her head. 

"How did they die?"

The question came out fast. It demanded an answer that Fergus wouldn't like. 

_ He's been dying to ask, hasn't he? _

Elissa couldn't give him the answer, but she couldn't lie either. "You don't want to know."

Fergus stood up and buried his face in his one hands. When he looked at her again it looked like he aged 10 years. “I need to know,” his voice told her how tired he was. There was no way tonight was the only time he had difficulty sleeping. 

Elissa didn’t need to ask him for her to know. 

After she escaped from home she didn’t know where her brother was. Elissa couldn’t be sure if he was dead or alive. She tried to search for him but it didn’t help. Every time she tried there was something in the road that stopped her. 

So her mind made the events up for her. She imagined many, many situations. Some worse than others. 

It was a shock when her brother arrived. Alive and well. 

“Alright,” she sighed, “That night mother arrived at my door with a bow…”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Stirring the Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [ Atanoissapa ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atanoissapa) for betaing. I appreciate all the help!!

While Elissa told her brother how she came upon his wife and son’s bodies his features stayed surprisingly neutral. Maybe he could just hide his emotions that well. Or perhaps his face didn’t know how to react. It was impossible to say. 

But afterwards, there was a clear difference. Or at least to her. 

He slowly nodded and shut his eyes. 

She wasn’t very good at this. Telling people bad news that nobody would want to hear. Elissa felt like she was invading her brother’s privacy and she should leave. But she was frozen on her chair. 

_ Should I say something? _

His eyes slowly opened, as if he realized where he currently was. “It’s late…” He looked at the door as if he wanted to escape the atmosphere. Maybe more than her. “I should get some sleep. As should you.”

“Alright.” She didn’t know what else she could say. Elissa stood up and when she was at the door she realized her brother hadn't moved. She looked at him questioningly. 

“I’ll go in a bit,” he said in an attempt to explain his actions, “I’ll just finish up here.” He took a sip from his tea that was probably cold by now. 

When she went inside the bedchambers, Alistair’s snoring told her he was already asleep.

At times she would wake him up and ask him not to snore, but not now. Not tonight. She might be alone in her thoughts but his snoring told her she wasn’t truly alone. 

The fire was already dying and there was less light in the room. But she quickly got in the bed. Every time she closed her eyes she saw that night’s events over and over again. Until she couldn’t keep her eyes closed anymore and she just ended up staring at the ceiling. 

The night was long and it dragged on. It felt like this night would never end. 

* * *

The next morning someone’s fingers ran through her hair and though she was in the middle of sleeping and waking up she knew immediately it was Alistair. Her eyelids were very heavy and she didn't want to open them. 

When they did open her vision was blurry. Her mind worked to find out where exactly she was. 

“Morning sleepyhead,” Alistair spoke in a cheery voice. 

“Morning,” her hands reached her eyes to try and rub the sleep away. 

Alistair was in bed though she could see he already got dressed. He sighed and she could only guess his mind drifted off to their argument. “When did you come to bed?”

Elissa shrugged as if she left because she had to and not because they had an argument. “I drank tea with my brother. We talked for a bit.”

Alistair nodded. “Look,” he said it with another sigh, “I didn’t want to make you angry.”

“I’m not angry.” The words came out too fast.

He raised an eyebrow in response, “Is that how you act when you’re happy? Then I don’t want to see you when you get mad.”

But Alistair joked, he saw her mad plenty of times. 

Elissa’s only answer was staring at him.

“I want what’s best for you,” Alistair said when she didn’t say anything, “I don’t want to see you hurting.”

Elissa frowned. She wasn’t hurting. Why would he say that? “Alistair I’m fine,”  _ just as long as I don’t talk about it.  _ “I just… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Alistair lips moved to say something but something shone in his eyes and instead he nodded. "Alright."

Elissa could sense how the atmosphere was telling her to say something.  _ Anything.  _ But she couldn't and instead, she ignored it. 

So she stood up, "I should get dressed. I don't know about you but I'm starving."

Alistair looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered at that point. Flashes of memories went through his head. She recognized the look. 

"You're always starving."

She smiled at his words. She thought of the times of fighting the Blight and how different she felt as a warden. Elissa wondered if Alistair thought about that time a lot too. "You're one to talk."

* * *

The day went smoothly. Fergus had business to attend to so Elissa and Alistair got to spend some much needed time together. 

The day before's argument forgotten, they spend time with each other laughing and talking. Walking in the garden and getting to know the people who worked in the castle. 

It made things hard too, though. She missed the old guards playing cards. She missed Nan's cooking, even her complaints. 

But Alistair by her side made things easier. 

Maybe he just knew her that well. But every time her thoughts drifted off to the past he was there. Doing or saying something that made her laugh. 

They were having supper when one of the guards interrupted. 

"Teryn Cousland," the guard interrupted. "The men and women are in their quarters."

Elissa frowned. Surely her brother would have said if he'd had other guests. But when she looked at her brother he looked as confused as she was. 

He lifted one of his eyebrows in response and set his spoon down, "What men and women?"

The guard was taken aback, he hesitated a moment. “Dalton mentioned you were expecting some people. They were to be escorted to the guest quarters.”

“Is there a problem?” Elissa asked. 

In just a moment the room was in an uncomfortable atmosphere, something about this misunderstanding didn’t sit well with her. She could see scenarios were playing in her brother’s mind as he was deciding what should be done. 

“I didn’t expect anyone.” His words were pointed to the guard. “Are you sure these orders were received by Dalton?”

“Yes my lord,” the guard said. His eyes moved rapidly. He didn’t understand what was going on either. 

Elissa knew her brother found this as suspicious as she did. Fergus told her he was keeping the guards tight. Making sure there wouldn’t be a surprise attack again. But one thing was clear. Alistair didn't think the same way. 

“Perhaps there was a misunderstanding,” Alistair suggested.

“No.” Fergus acted immediately. It was firm. There was no doubt in his mind. “Something is going on. No one comes through these walls without my knowledge.”

Alistair’s eyes searched hers. She shook her head, telling him to leave it. But her brother missed the exchange. His gaze was on the confused guard. 

“Where is Dalton?”

“Unknown my lord. That’s why I came here.”

“Alright,” Fergus took a deep breath. “Find him immediately.”

“Yes my lord.”

The guard left the room immediately. Filling his orders as best as he could. 

When he left Elissa leaned in to speak softly although it wasn't necessary, but the situation called for it nonetheless. "Who _is_ this Dalton?" The questions were swirling in her head demanding to be answered.

"He's the head of the guard." Everything about Fergus looked grim at that moment. He looked back at the food as if he'd forgotten all about it. That's when she realized she forgot about her food as well. 

"Can you trust him?" This time Alistair chimed in. He was still unsure what to make of this situation. 

"He was highly recommended by allies I trust."

Elissa knew Fergus made sure the people he placed in charge were the ones who could be trusted.

But Fergus didn't answer Alistair's question and she knew exactly why. Fergus didn't trust anyone. The people who worked for him were the ones he was less suspicious about.

"What do you want to do?" It wasn't her place to make suggestions. 

"We need to find out what's going on. I'll speak to the guards." His gaze shifted from her to Alistair and then back to her. "Both of you go and say hi to our unexpected friends. Hopefully, nothing will come of this. But…"

"You don't think this means something good." Elissa knew where he was going with this because she was already there. Everything in her gut told her to prepare for the worst. 

Elissa took the lead and Alistair followed. 

"Uh…" Alistair started, "Isn't this the way to your bedchambers? Or are they near it?"

Elissa gave him the tour of the castle but she was sure the information went way over his head. During the day he still needed directions to different parts of the castle. 

Elissa sighed. It slipped her mind to tell Alistair what she thought they should do. "We're going to get our armor."

She stopped when she saw him frowning. “Wouldn’t they find it odd?”

Elissa hadn’t even considered it. It was very possible. It’s not like she was in her armor all day here. But she had a feeling it would be needed in this case. 

"Probably," she answered with a shrug. "We'll say we've been training."

Alistair raised his one eyebrow suspiciously. "And they will believe that? Why wouldn't we change?"

Alistair was asking good questions. But at that moment her mind was working overtime and she couldn't think of something else. "Maybe. Maybe not." 

They quickly moved to her bedchambers. After getting dressed in their armor and she equipped her daggers and he, his shield and sword. 

The atmosphere felt completely different. This wasn’t her home anymore, this was a battlefield. It felt just like old times. 

But Alistair wasn’t convinced. 

“This could all be a misunderstanding.”

She sighed, there couldn’t be a way to explain the feeling that kept growing and growing. “This happened before and it can happen again.”

“Again?” Alistair tried to put things together and when he succeeded the change in his posture was immediate. He still didn’t understand, but at least he was trying to. “Elissa… we don’t know…”

“I know.” But she also knew Fergus wouldn’t make a mistake like this. His guards had district orders for opening for no one if he didn’t say so. “Maybe if you were here you’d understand.”

_ His guards.  _

Somehow this didn’t feel like her home anymore. There were other people here. The only person who was the same was her brother. 

_ Has she lost her home? _

If this wasn’t her home where was it? Could she find it again?

“Oh,” Alistair’s tone changed immediately to a lighter one, “We could all enjoy some cake and tea and have a lovely chat.”

It was a grim situation. At least for her. But Alistair’s words made her laugh as if things were truly solved by tea and cake. 

Nonetheless, his words did something she needed. They reminded her that Alistair was there with her this time. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. It gave her hope. 

She squeezed his hand in response and smiled. “We should get going.”

* * *

By the time Elissa and Alistair stood before the door leading to their mysterious guests, Elissa’s heart was pounding in her throat. 

She nodded at Alistair, why she couldn’t say. Maybe it was an old habit. They weren’t going in to attack. They would talk to them, see if they could find out what was really going on. 

Her palms were beginning to sweat and a headache was beginning to form at the edges of her vision.

Her hand turned the knob slowly. 

The men and women before her were armored just like her. They were elves and humans. The group wasn’t very large. At first glance, it looked like they might be a dozen. Maybe more. 

Her eyes moved around the crowd, making sure to identify who they were. But… she couldn’t. 

They had no symbol on their chests. No specific colour suggesting anything. From a first glance, it was impossible to say where they were from. They looked like simple mercenaries.

But Elissa knew that wasn’t the situation here. Even Alistair’s fingers were tingling to reach his weapon. 

“Looks like it might’ve been too much to hope for you to come unarmed.”

Elissa frowned as she tried to recognize the man who spoke. The way he said it made her skin crawl. But she had never seen him in her life. 

She never needed to voice her thoughts though. 

“Can we help you?” Anybody would think this was Alistair’s kind tone. The one he made jokes with. But Elissa knew him too well. 

Alistair knew something was wrong here. 

But the human ignored him. “Warden Commander.” The way he announced her title was with a mocking tone and it made her even more confused. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Dalton.” Before she could react he continued, “It’s not my real name of course. But surely your brother should have mentioned me by now.”

Elissa didn’t give her hands permission, they acted on their own. When she heard the sound of steel against their sheaths she realized she got her daggers out and she held one near Dalton’s throat. “What do you want?”

He pulled the hand that held the blade away from his throat and she let him, only for the reason of wanting to find out more information. 

"I wanted to see you."

Elissa frowned. She knew it was more than that. "And you what? Couldn't come and talk to me?" She looked at the men and women who were at his side, "And who are your friends?"

But Dalton didn’t acknowledge any of her words. “I’ve always wanted to meet the person who killed Howe.”

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "So what, is this some kind of revenge for his death?"

"I didn't know the man," Alistair voiced his thoughts, "But he did some awful things. The Warden Commander did what she had to do."

It was always strange when Alistair called her that. As if he talked about someone other than her. 

“Some people might disagree,” Dalton said in a tone she didn’t recognize. “Some supposed allies of the Cousland house might even disagree.”

“So that’s how you got the job.” Elissa’s mind worked making sense out of all of this. But she still had questions. “Who are you though?”

“I worked with Howe,” he finally admitted. “We believed in him and Loghain and you and your allies put a stop to it.”

Besides her Alistair’s features changed. He was getting angry. When she looked at him he clenched his jaw shut. Stopping himself from saying something he shouldn’t. 

Elissa was getting angry as well, but she tried to shove her anger aside. “So what’s the plan? Killing the remaining Couslands?”

“Well,” he got his dagger out and in response, Alistair got his sword out as well. “That’s what they want. But, I’d just be happy with your head. My other friends will join us soon.”

That’s when the others drew their weapons too.

* * *

Things escalated quickly. Steel hit steel. Some fell quicker than others. Her heart beat faster. She felt more alive than she had with this visit. 

She missed this. Fighting beside Alistair, but she also knew they couldn’t keep this up. 

When her blade went into its next target she turned around where Alistair just killed his foe. “You need to let the rest know. Tell my brother what happened.”

“What?” he asked as he blocked with his shield. “I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Look,” she grabbed him by the arm to get a hold of his attention, “More are coming. You heard him. Fergus needs to know what’s going on.”

“Let’s go together.” But even he knew it wasn’t possible. Alistair might be able to slip away but none of them will let her go past them.

“You know that’s not possible.” Her words held firmly. 

“I’m not running away,” he tried again. Alistair didn’t want to leave her but deep down he must’ve known it was necessary. 

“You’re not running away. You’re saving lives. You have to go.”

Elissa didn’t wait for Alistair to say anything else. She delivered a deadly blow at her right. Her foe fell to the ground immediately. 

When she looked at the direction where Alistair was she realized he was gone. Just as she thought about searching the room a blow was coming for her arm but she ducked just in time.

She hoped Alistair was doing what she asked of him.

* * *

Alistair tried to slip away as quickly as he could. Most were targeting Elissa but some tried their luck with him. 

But with a few scrapes, he left. His arm was burning uncomfortably where a blade met his skin and he drank a healing potion. He kept going though. 

He ran around trying his best to remember the way back. It felt like he was running around in circles until he made the right turn. 

Fergus gave him one look and immediately knew something was wrong, “Alistair what have you two found?” His eyes searched for a person who wasn’t there. “Where’s my sister?”

Alistair would love to tell the whole story but he knew there wasn't enough time. Elissa needed help and she needed it now. 

“Soon the castle will be under attack.”

Fergus rubbed his temple in frustration, “So they hope to take the castle over? Again?”

Alistair hesitated for a moment. ”Not exactly. The only thing they want is revenge for Howe.”

Fergus frowned as he caught up. “So this is a set up as a takeover but it’s really to kill the remaining Couslands for Howe.”

“Well,” the word hung in the air, “They’d be happy just getting Elissa but you’re a bonus.”

Fergus squeezed his eyes shut. “Because she killed him.” When he opened his eyes he looked more serious than Alistair had seen him before, “Where is she?”

Alistair didn’t need to look in a mirror to see how guilty he looked. He could feel the blood flowing away from his cheeks. “She couldn’t get away.”

He never saw Fergus  _ that _ mad too. “You left her there? What in the void is wrong with you?” he demanded. His tone rose with each word more and more. Worried that Elissa was fighting alone. 

“She asked me to warn you. There’s more coming.”

Fergus frowned,” More? How? None of the-”

But fighting outdoors was interrupting them. It seemed like their friends had arrived.

Words forgotten, Fergus was already on the move. “Come. I’ll give you some of my men.”

* * *

It felt like an eternity went by since Alistair left yet it felt like no time has passed at all. Elissa had no time to think. 

Her muscles were sore and ached from the battle. They came at her with everything they got. And if she was honest with herself she didn’t know how much she could keep up. 

She was dancing with her blades. Slashing and stabbing. Her armor was coated with blood of the different foes she had killed thus far. Yet it wasn’t enough. She had to duck more times than she could count. 

A foe was coming for her. She saw it too late. His sword would hit something. Maybe something vital. She had no more health potions left. She used them all. Elissa didn’t believe she had a lot of stamina left either. But when men and women stormed through the door, everyone's attention shifted to it. 

Her lips formed a smile when she saw who was leading them. Alistair had a stern look as his sword met a target. But his look disappeared as if it was never there when his eyes set on her. 

“Time to finish this.” Her brain already recognized the voice as Dalton. 

“You’ve had enough?” It was supposed to come off as a challenge but her movements and voice weren't in it. Instead, it sounded weak. And when Dalton smirked she knew he heard the weakness. 

She had to block immediately. Elissa placed all her strength in the block, her heart beating in her ears but she wasn’t sure if it was enough. She was tired. She was sore. And she didn’t think she could keep on much longer. 

But she blocked and struck him as hard as she could.

They danced and danced. Each time Elissa just ducked, and blocked enough. The hits kept coming and coming. 

Until he found a weak spot in her armor and Elissa was still recovering from another block. Something burned in her side and when she looked at her side she was bleeding. That side was coated with her blood. She stumbled.

Dalton was proud of himself. He was cocky thinking he made a critical hit. But that was just what she needed. 

She bit her lower lip trying to ignore how the wound at her side burned and ached uncomfortably with each breath, with each movement. More strength was leaving her. But she ignored it. 

She sunked her blade in his chest. As she stumbled backwards her vision began to blur more and more.

Until all she saw was darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


	3. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by [ Ripley95 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95/). Prompt: “I need to hear your voice before I go to sleep. Just singing or reading or humming to yourself.” 
> 
> Many thanks to [ Atanoissapa ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atanoissapa) for betaing. I appreciate all the help!!

“How is she?” Alistair asked as Fergus came out of Elissa’s bedchambers. 

Fergus’ features were a mix of anger, guilt, and worriedness. "The healer says Elissa hasn't woken up yet. But we should look out for signs of infection. There are some herbs that should help with the healing process.”

"Can we see her?"

The healer's word did nothing to calm his nerves. He wasn't sure what happened. One moment she was fine and the next she had fallen. 

Alistair tried to get to her as soon as possible but their enemies didn't make things any easier. 

When he reached her she was bleeding from her side. He tried to give her a healing potion but that wasn't easy. 

Alistair had difficulty trying to wake her. And when she finally did she mumbled words he couldn't understand. 

"Yes," Fergus' words interrupted his thoughts. "You can go in if you want."

Alistair frowned at his tone, "You don't?"

Fergus sighed. "I can't," he admitted and Alistair didn't think it was easy for him. "I have to take care of this mess.

Alistair had his fair share of guilt. When Duncan and the others died he blamed himself. He should've been at that battlefield.

When Elissa had fallen, matters didn't make it easier though. Morrigan and Flemeth's words didn't soothe his worries at all. 

He wanted to believe them, but his mind wouldn't let him. Instead, he was buried under guilt. 

And that was what he recognized when her brother spoke. 

"It's not your fault. If what Elissa said is true then you couldn't have seen this coming."

If there were a chair, he would've sat. "This shouldn't have happened." Fergus buried his face in his hands. 

"But it did."

He stared at Alistair for a while. So hard that he thought Elissa's brother would say he shouldn't have abandoned her. If that was what was on his mind he didn't need to say it. Alistair felt it. 

But instead, he said the opposite. "You're good for her. I couldn't have left her." Fergus let out a breath with heavy burdens, "But if you didn't… well, it's better not to think of that."

Alistair nodded, not being sure what to say. 

"Welcome to the family. It's been unsaid for too long." He paused, as he thought things over. "I'm glad my sister married someone like you," Fergus added as an afterthought. 

"It's an honour to be your guests."

"Not guests," Fergus corrected, "Family. This is your home too."

Alistair nodded but this place felt like the last place he would have called home. And somehow he felt like this wasn't a home to Elissa anymore as well. 

* * *

After some time Alistair drifted off. He knew when he heard a chair creak and he was wide awake. 

Fergus gave him one look and it said it all. "You should get some rest. You haven't slept at all last night. I'll stay with her."

But Alistair shook his head firmly, "I want to be here when she wakes up." 

"I'll send for you if that happens."

Alistair didn't want to leave. He wanted to make sure Elissa was alright. To be here if she's in pain. But he was sure Fergus wouldn't let this go. And at least she wouldn't be alone. 

"Alright," Alistair said and stood up from his chair. 

* * *

When Elissa woke up she wasn't sure what happened or where she was. Nothing made sense. 

She tried to move but when she did her side blazed with pain and she couldn't help to groan. 

"Elissa!" Someone sounded alarmed. Her mind was too foggy and her vision too blurry to make the person out. A headache was forming at the sides of her vision and that was when she remembered what happened. 

Betrayal. A battle. A slash at her side. 

Elissa frowned when the vision was more clearer. "Fergus?"

"You scared us," he leaned closer with his elbows on his knees. 

"Us?" She needed to make sure her memory was intact. 

Fergus frowned at her words. "Me and Alistair. Don't you remember?"

"No. No. I do." Elissa said quickly when she saw his eyes widen in alarm. "I'm just…"

"Confused," Fergus finished. "The healer said you might be confused when you wake up."

"What a mess, huh?" Elissa rubbed her eyes with the hand whose side wasn't on fire. 

"You can say that again."

"What happened?" Fergus was ready to do something.  _ Anything.  _ He stood up in alarm. "I mean besides the obvious."

"Dalton is killed. I expect that's your doing. It seems like some of the houses aren't happy we're back." Fergus looked so tired and miserable. This was eating him alive. 

_ How long have I been sleeping? _

It felt like days, but she had a feeling it was less than a day. 

"Seems like that. Dalton was very proud of it." She used her hands to try to sit back but she shut her eyes when her side protested. "What about the friends that still needed to arrive?"

Fergus nervously ran his hand through his hair, "That wasn't as literal as we thought. Turns out Dalton wasn't the only traitor."

Elissa shut her eyes. She didn't even consider that. She couldn't believe some of the other guards were involved as well, "I'm sorry. We'll figure it out."

"First," Fergus said, "You need to heal."

"I'm fine."

But Fergus looked at her seriously, "I'm serious. If you…"

She squeezed her brother's hand. "I'm alright. And we'll fix this."

Fergus only squeezed her hand back.

* * *

Fergus left the room to call Alistair. And it wasn't long until they arrived. 

Her lips formed a smile when she saw him, glad to see him safe. She would've lied if she said she wasn't worried. 

"I'll leave you two alone," Fergus excused himself. 

"Morning sleepyhead," Alistair joked. 

"Hey, yourself."

"Are you alright?" He looked serious and worried at the same time. 

"Yes, just sore but I'll be alright." Then she buried her head in her hands with a lot of work, "This is a mess. I can't believe we're here again."

When she lifted her hands Alistair gave her a supportive smile, "We'll catch the bad guys."

But it wasn't just the bad guys. 

"What if I lost you or Fergus. If that…" But her voice broke and she shook her head. Thinking of the worst scenarios. "I can't do that again."

Alistair climbed in bed next to her. Careful not to hurt her. Slowly. "Hey, that's not going to happen."

But she only stared at him," You can't promise that."

Alistair sighed as he must've realized that was the truth, "You're not back there. This is different."

She closed her eyes as tears were falling down her cheeks. "I hate being here. It reminds me of… well, everything."

Alistair only came closer to her, still being careful. He wrapped his arms around her. "I can't imagine it's easy. But you'll get through this."

He knew just as she did that she was still living in the past. The problem was she didn't think she could let go of it. "Why can't I go pass this? It's always here."

He rubbed away her tears away, "Together we'll do this."

Elissa smiled, "What would I do without you?"

"You won't need to find out."

He pulled away and she immediately needed to stop him. 

"Wait! No, don't go. Please I can't…" She couldn't even finish her sentence. 

"You need rest," but Alistair stopped. 

“I need to hear your voice before I go to sleep. Just singing or reading or humming to yourself. Just stay here.”

"Alright," Alistair moved closer again and Elissa could feel herself relaxing. 

So Alistair talked. About his mission where the funniest things happened. He made her laugh. And she forgot the rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


End file.
